I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
