listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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