I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
