my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize