you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
