Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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