she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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