Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
