I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
