oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
