It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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