i already hear my dad disowning me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
