Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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