dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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