im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize