I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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