Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
