I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
