Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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