he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
