i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
