Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
