lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
