i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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