just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
