Sry I called you an 8
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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