remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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