her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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