The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
