Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
