After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
