dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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