I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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