He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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