Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
