We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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