I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Alive.
So much puke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
