what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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