New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
