I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
