So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
