sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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