im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
