if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
