You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
