i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
