i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
