I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
