Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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