Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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