So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
