and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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