oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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