Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
