Joe is yelling at the trees again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
