dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
