Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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