I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have fence marks all over my body
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
