I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
