This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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