Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
