and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
