not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize