Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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