Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
