We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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