Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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